Jon's Campaign

Asher's Journal: Help me I am in hell

Eff all this

All I wanted was a beer. Sure, maybe it was beer that caused problems in the first place, but Hal got me all fixed up and the seas were lookin’ mighty plum for sailin’. New city, new purses, new people who didn’t know my face. And then four travelers come sniffin’ around. me and Hal’s table.

They seem alright. Talked the feathered fellow into buying me and Hal a beer, the tree lady’s bird seems well behaved, I’m not sure what to make of the dark elf and I’m less sure about the gnome. He seems to know how to cut a purse but never bothers to do it. All very confusing.

Regardless, I don’t get past the head on my beer before the door gets booted in and a band of wannabe shit-kickers start hollering about a clan war of some kind. Someone just got hung for stealin’ a horse, and everyone in our party thinks getting involved makes sense. I agree stealin’ shouldn’t REALLY be a crime, but it ain’t like us chargin’ in is gonna un-hang this feller they’re worried about. Pretty sure that ship left port already.

But, my new party seems to want to butt in despite no explicit contract of reward in place so off we go! These guys wouldn’t make it as a privateer — much less a pirate — that much is for damned sure.

At any rate, we made our way to Elliot’s place. He’s some sort of local lord I guess, and had quite the sword. There weren’t nothin’ to steal though, and once the “Johnstones” and the “Creightons” saw that big-papa-Elliot didn’t care for their clan war they all lost their hard-ons and gave up. These two bunches are ripe for the pickin’, next time we make our way back into town, that’s for damned sure.

Elliot DID promise gold for our involvement though, so we escorted him to the city to drop Creighton off in jail. Big deal, that. Half thought about breaking him out, just for fun, but remembered that he hung a thief just for bein’ a thief, so I decided it’d be better for this Creighton fellow to get the shitty end of the stick for now. T’il he comes up with some gold, anyhow.

Once we arrived, Elliot gave us some buggerin-off money and we did just that. We found a tavern where I bungled a purse cut, got rejected at the bookie and had no sex whatsoever, so all in all this city is showing loads of promise. The gnome even interfered before I could mix it up in the tavern. These folks have a sea-turtle’s sense of adventure. Slow and steady, hide when things get tough. I see calm, profitless waters ahead. Gotta be a life raft around here somewhere…

There was some big tournament to decide who gets to be king, and I guess the people got who they wanted because they all seemed very excited, and I learned that the lady whose purse I failed to cut aint a lover of the men-folk herself. Guess I wouldn’t have had any more luck talking her out of her dress than I did her purse. Again, nothing but fun to be had in this town.

Thankfully it’s not all diplomacy and meandering. A couple giants showed up, and it didn’t look like we were going to intimidate them into anything so we busted out one of the giant’s lady-friends at set her off for what I’m sure will be an uncomfortable honeymoon. Lucky couple, them.

Still not sure what I think of this new crew, besides Hal, but tree lady saved me from a horse, the bards saved us from some giants and the gnome saved me from myself, so until I find a better contract this may be the right ship for me. For now.

But I AM going to stab something soon, that much is for sure.

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